pain...

if i'm doing the "right" thing...why does it hurt so bad?

 

he was amazing, he treated me with so much respect, and oh my goodness the sweet messages.  he knew just how to make me smile...and now what...i fuck everything up because of a silly infatuation ...a stupid obsession...of which thinking about only makes me sick... ... ... an obsession thats many states away. an obsession that will probably just always be that... a pointless flight at trying to make something work, that isn't meant to be.

 

i hate feeling like this i hate being upset and i hate knowing that i'm the one that cuased him so much pain.  i care about him so much!!!!!!!! SO SOO MUCH! I worry about him... i just want to hold him and pretend none of this happened...

 

I can't believe myself...i'm disgusting...i can't even bring myself to look in the mirror...

 

...my stomach is all messed up... i feel nauseated...i've got a giant lump in my throat...my head is pounding...and to top it off i can't see...

 

i just wish he weren't avoiding me... but if thats what it takes to make him happy again...so be it...i will resepct that.

i'm done...

 

sorry guys but i really am upset and i know i haven't called any of u...and u barely know whats going on...but this time it's something i have to deal with on my own.  i will tell u whats going on in time...

 

-jenn